My Visit To Oregon In June

Imagine, driving down a freeway and crossing a bridge over a beautiful river twisting through a city. There are tree's everywhere, that you can tell have been there for a long time, and probably were there naturally. Believe that you are seeing vines growing up the pillars holding up the freeway, and there is a magnificent blue sky above you that stretches out as far as you can see with peaks of ancient mountains and volcanos scattered throughout your view. That's Portland, Oregon.

I came up to Oregon to visit my family that lives up there, and by the time my week there was up, I didn't want to leave. All the people there are so authentic and open hearted and friendly. There is a feeling of acceptance that you feel when you see almost every person being completely themselves and not holding anything back. I felt so comfortable because I didn't have to worry about being judged by someone because I didn't have makeup on or I just seemed different.

One of the days that I was in Oregon, we went to the Looking up at the trees in the Columbia River Gorge National Scenic Area to see the second highest waterfall in the US, Multnomah Falls. It was beautiful! I took so many photos, you can view them at this link.

There are endless things I was able to experience there that I would just love to rant about all day, but I don't think I'd like to ruin the fun for you! I dare you to travel to Oregon, and see how amazing this state is.

I'm Back!

Sorry, I disappeared for about two months...that's a long time. Things have been so busy! I'm going to eliminate my bad habit of forgetting to post every day. It just seemed that I was talking to myself for a while! But, I guess I was and probably still am…but hey I guess that maybe if I talk to myself enough, some more people will begin to listen? I'd like to thank my patient readers and hope that I can regain some trust that I'll be posting more often. Happy Living!

There is Beauty in Other Cultures

Today, I went with my family to a Baptist church. Although I do not believe in their religion, I did find some happiness and fulfillment by being there. It was a great learning experience to see another’s culture and meet many new people. There were many African Americans there, with a few Caucasians scattered here and there. Everyone welcomed the new comers, including my family, and shook hands with those they did not know. The music was joyful and ecstatic and full of life. I especially enjoyed the choir!

It is very important for us to know and understand other cultures and way of life. In order for us to enjoy our world to it’s fullest, we must be willing to open our hearts to the differences. Authenticity is the beauty of the world. If we have open minds and accept the differences around us, we will be happier and will find that we are circled with many new friends and loved ones.

Today, or some other Sunday, visit a church or spiritual center other than your own or one you are familiar with and enjoy the authenticity of their culture. By crossing the bridge from ignorance to knowledge, we will overcome fear.

Summer is here!

Summer is here and I am so excited. I have a huge list of things I’m going to do!

Hiking, camping, hang gliding, BBQ, go to the park, balloons, boating, farmers market, finger painting, swimming, mani/pedicures, scrapbook, sprinklers, pet fish, henna, make a movie, hot tubing, make dresses, summer play list, homemade meals, picnics, iced tea, Lagoon amusement park, luaus, skinny dipping, streaking, make a blanket, tie-dye, decorate T-shirts, graffiti, water parks, the gym, all nighters, climb trees, blow bubbles, dancing in the rain, dying a strand of hair a super bright color, makeovers, laying in the middle of the road at 2:15 am, write songs, go out to eat, secret spot in the mountains, backpacking, 100 movies, Disney night, parties, make a book, hair ties, marijuana, fly kites, message in a bottle, messages tied to balloons and set free in the air, pillows, Jone’s sodas, Sobes, candy, tanning, sunburns, crazy hair days, bonfires, music, making jewelry, water balloons, slip’n’slides, sleeping under the stars, going to Moab, traveling to Oregon to visit family and bringing Max along, shopping cart racing, dancing, singing, West Yellowstone, Montana, Park City, grow a bonsai tree, grow and orchid, plant a garden, go a week bare foot, meditation, go a whole day without speaking, grow my own fruits and vegetables, shop at a local store .

This summer, we should all spend it wisely and enjoy ourselves. For all we know, this could be our last summer we can ever have! There’s only one life and one summer 2010.…let’s make it amazing!

Live Life To It's Fullest!

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
-Abraham Lincoln

Why is it that it seems the people who lived shorter lives in the past seemed to have had more meaningful lives? The average life span of a person today is 80 years old! This is a definite blessing that we have, but it also gives us the excuse to slack off and not live our lives as fully as we could.

Today, cherish every moment you have. Live life to it’s fullest! Do one thing that scares you a day, and do something you’ve never done before! Think about your life so far and figure out what you could do to make your life more meaningful!

The Miracle of You

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein

I was looking at a picture of my great grandparents the other day and I was thinking about how many specific events had to happen for me to be here right now. If one little thing hadn’t happened, or occurred differently, there is a possibility I wouldn’t be living. Which means I wouldn’t be writing this, or have met or effected the people I have, or even breathed the air I have over the years.

Everything happened for a reason to make You happen. Billions of years had to take place for you to be here right now. Our Earth had to be created and set in the exact location it is now, for it to be possible for you to have life, and every one of your ancestors had to be who they were for You to take place. You are a miracle. If the certain events over trillions of years hadn’t happened, from the start of the universe to the marriage of your great-great-grandparents, to the death of a loved one to a family member to the weather hundreds of years ago, there is a possibility that You wouldn’t exist. You are here for a reason and You are a part of the delicate balance of life. You are a part of a plan and You have a path set for you. You are here to create the future for time after us and You are the change in this world.

Today, celebrate the miracle of Your life. Thank God, the creator, the universe, Allah, your Heavenly Father, your beliefs or even just Fate that you are here today. Cherish the miracle of your life and live every moment from now on knowing that it was fate that brought you here.

Places I Want To Visit

I have a list of places I want to visit after I graduate from high school. The only problem is…I don’t know where I’ll get the money! Here it goes…




Places I Want to Go:

- The Bahamas
- Spain
- The Netherlands
- Bora Bora
- Greece
- France
- Italy
- Norway
- Ireland
- Brazil
- Mexico
- Chile
- Canada
- Alaska
- Hawaii
- Colorado
- New York

I want to live in Oregon, Hawaii, and The Netherlands for at least a year…

I want to also go on a road trip along the Pacific Coast and through Southern Utah.

I want to go on a cruise and I want to also learn how to fly a plane!

While going on this little adventure around the world, I want to take photographs and write poems for them and then publish them in a book.

Today, make a list of places YOU want to visit! This world has so many different cultures and possibilities!

Oh...the irony.

Lately it has seemed like the weather has followed up with my emotional state. It was sunny and warm just the way I liked it just a few days ago, for the past week I was actually happy and I could feel that things were getting better. But yesterday was one of the hardest days I’ve had this year, and as I was crying, it was raining. Now, this morning I woke up to the snow of freezing over my heart and trying to push though all the infidelities. I’m not quite sure how it’s possible that it could be snowing on the 24th of May, but I guess it is Utah, and Utah is just about as bipolar as life itself!

Another irony I couldn’t help but notice this morning is that both my boyfriend and I had an extremely shitty day Sunday, and they both had to do with our fathers. The only things that differed were our experiences. As we both suffered from trying to keep ourselves together, we eventually held each other tight and tried to fall asleep… it’s funny how both of us, at 15, could grow up through such traumatic circumstances.

Today’s subject is both negative and important to think about… how connected are we to nature? Do we effect each other or something in-between like the Moon and the Earth does to the tides? What about zodiacs and horoscopes? Are we effected by the stars outside our atmosphere or even by the weather or happenings around the world? Or are we on our own? What experiences have you had to relate to this subject and what supports your conclusion about these questions?

Strength

Through my life, I have suffered from emotional, physical, and psychological abuse. I have been abandoned by family and friends, experienced heartbreak, and I have and still suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts. My parents have been divorced since I was five, and my dad remarried a woman with a bad temper six months after the divorce. But, though I suffer from depression and occasionally have anxiety or feel suicidal, I know I wouldn’t be who I am now if I hadn’t gone through the things I have. I believe that all of us are strong, only some of us have to be strong more than others. You aren’t strong until strong is the only choice you have. We can choose whether to press forward or to fall back but you will always have what you need to make it through.
When have you had to be strong and where does strength come from? Why do we need strength and how do you find it?

The Rose That Grew in the Concrete

Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete?
Proving nature's laws wrong it learned how to walk without having feet
Funny it seems but, by keeping its dreams
it, learned to breathe fresh air
Long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else even cared.
- Tupac

Some of us have been born in bad or hard circumstances. Others, when looking at our lives, don’t even know how we made it. When you have to go through many traumatic experiences, or have to go without something that some would say you need to have to grow up, you can come out with many scars. A rose that grows from a crack in the concrete may have tears and imperfections, but that’s what makes it beautiful. Though the rose isn’t perfect physically, it is beautiful because of it’s circumstances, or what the rose is. The rose is a rose that survived and successfully grew from a crack in the concrete. We are like this rose. Some of us may have our imperfections, scars, cheap clothing, little money, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, or we may be different in some way, but we are beautiful because of who we are inside, and what we have gone through. What we go through is just life’s way of making us beautiful. Our trials are our growth, and in the end, we will be beautiful like a rose. Never doubt yourself and never try to rush out of your problems. Don’t be afraid to handle your problems and to go through things that are hard. It isn’t a bad thing to go through things on your own time. You would never ask a rose but to bloom before it’s ready. We are all roses with different circumstances, and we are beautiful.

Today, acknowlege all the things that make you beautiful. What beauty and good do you bring into this world and how can you do more?

Getting Happy...One Step At A Time...

Some call it the Pursuit of Happiness…but I’m not quite sure that’s the best way to label it. I’m sure that some have heard the quote, “happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued is always just beyond your grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” by Nathaniel Hawthorn. Well, I would have to agree but I must say that it’s very hard to really have happiness when while you are sitting there, problems are being thrown at you every which way. Some say, life is what you make it, and I guess that’s true…but would that also mean, happiness is what you make it? I don’t think happiness could be what you get after you get a job, after the baby is born, after the baby grows up, after I get to retire…because if so, happiness will come after I’m dead! There will always be something new to look forward to. I guess happiness should be seen as a state of mind. You can’t have happiness later. Maybe we are afraid to be happy! We are afraid to let go of things and our problems to BE happy.

I have been very depressed and suicidal for a year now. Max, my boyfriend of 5 months, told me I had to make a change. He knows exactly what I’m going through because he has been there and he has gone through very much of what I have, and he is helping me to overcome my depression. The first step I took was Zoloft to balance out the chemicals in my brain. With that, it was actually possible for me to FEEL happy. Now, I indulge myself in thought, books, art, music and love. Whatever makes me happy, I keep and I filter out the bad. I am growing happier every day. Though life will always give you problems, I think that it is possible to be happy in ANY situation.

Today, do something that makes you happy. Create something that has a meaning to you, and smile about it.

Earth

Take me and we’ll live with a religion of solitude
Staring under the faithful blue sky
Climb the highest mountain tops
And feel our spirits fly.

We will cross the widest rivers
Swim in every stream
Forget about the city boundaries
And feel free enough to dream.

Find my light and bring it out
Let it light the sky
The trees will shake as we run and shout
With our new open eyes.

The eagles will fly above our heads
As we live our lives
One with every living thing
That on this earth resides.

-Anna Bell

Sometimes…I know this sounds crazy…I wish I was born a Native American hundreds of years ago. Back then, everything was a mystery, anything was possible, and you could dream about anything. You lived in the moment and you were one with the earth. There were no boundaries and the natural beauty of the earth stretched before your eyes and out of sight. The sky was blue and not dulled by pollution. Life was full. People weren’t distracted by morals and religion based on sin and a one god. You were allowed to just Be.

Have you ever walked barefoot and the grass or gone hiking deep in a canyon? All you hear is the company you are with and the rushing sound of a river or the wind blowing through the trees. You feel whole and one with the Earth. You don’t hear the sounds of speeding cars or airplanes, just the natural wonders of our world. Everything feels right.

I think that we have become distracted with making our lives easier. We have dedicated ourselves to living longer and having power. Money has become most important. I wish that we could restart and learn to adapt with the ways of nature. If we did, we would be smarter and our bodies would evolve to be even stronger. We would not be weak and we would be even more intelligent that we are now. We have the capability to destroy or be one with the Earth. It’s our choice.

This summer, plant a tree or grow and orchid. Eat your own fruits and vegetables that you have grown yourself. If you’re daring, go hunting or fishing and eat the food you actually got and worked for yourself! Go for a hike once a week, meditate or read on a high cliff or next to a waterfall. Paint a landscape. Go horseback riding. Go canoeing or swim in a lake or the ocean. Climb a tree! Do whatever fits your fancy that has to do with the earth. Go camping or backpacking. Feel one with your home and be apart of the delicate balance of nature. There are so many things you can do for free! Do something daring! Take photography of your experience.

Quality

Sai Baba said, “ hands that serve are holier than lips that pray.” I think we have lost sight of what’s really important and what really gives us character and quality. I know of a woman who would follow up to the celestial standards to make it to heaven; she is one of the most ignorant and blind people I ever met. She was L.D.S. and she had followed all the steps to reach the celestial kingdom. She had been baptized, married in the temple, bore many children, and was very righteous. But even so, she didn’t think deeper than the surface, she didn’t live life to it’s fullest, and she was never satisfied. She was like a child. When we strive to be like children, we are striving to be humble and open minded. Not ignorant and immature. I believe that if we live the best we can, with good intentions and a pure heart, we can be quality people and be able to reach that state called ‘heaven’. quality is personal. Quality can only be judged by the creator.

What gives you quality? Who are you and what makes YOU important?

The Ripple Effect

“I affirm peace. No matter what seems to be going on around me, I affirm peace. In spite of appearances, I affirm peace. The peace of god is my peace now. I am the peace of god.”

-‘Science of Mind Magazine’ , Personal Affirmations

When we touch our finger to a still surface of water, we create a disturbance and there is a ripple. The ripple starts our small and strong just around our finger, and then it stretches outward getting smaller and smaller until it blends back into the surface. I believe that this is like everything else in the universe. Everything starts from within ourselves. If we look inward and are conscious of ourselves, we will be conscious of everything else in the outside world. I believe we first have to realize what we can improve inside to be able to improve the world and what’s around us. For instance, if we have hate in our hearts, we will cause an effect on what’s around us with our negativity and hatred. As an example, one man in our history had much hatred in his heart and learned how to have such a strong energy that he effected the whole world. Millions of people died and we still remember it today as the Holocaust. Hitler learned how to throw a stone into the water instead of just using his finger. In our lives, we should try to learn to do the same, except to use love instead of hate. If we can learn to be a stone and create a large ripple or effect, we can change the world by spreading peace and love. I believe we can have peace wherever we are, in any circumstance. We can be the peace in the world. By using our own methods of finding peace, we can achieve greatness. Meditation, music, art, yoga, reading, and many other good things can help us to attain peace. We do, however, must learn to understand what peace is. Peace is not to be the same or equal, and control is the opposite of peace. To have a heart of peace, you must learn to adapt and make do with what you have. As it says in The Tao, “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.” We have to let go of the need to control to have peace. I hope we can all one day learn to be a ripple of peace in the world, instead of hate and all that apposes love.

Science of Mind Magazine

Today I went with my mom to her church/ spiritual gathering today at Wheeler Farm in Utah. This ‘Spiritual Center’ is filled with many varieties of people and beliefs. At the center, they teach from all areas of religion and beliefs that they believe has a good message. At the end of their session, while waiting for my mom to come out of class, my eye spotted a small magazine called “Science of Mind; A Guide for Spiritual Living.” I started to skim through May’s addition when I felt something inside me bubbling up with excitement. This magazine was practically speaking through my mind! While reading bits and pieces of the articles, I noticed that I agreed with practically every statement. I asked a woman at the desk with these magazines if I could have one and she told me I had to pay for a subscription. Then after a pause she handed me a free addition for last month and said I could have it. This version was dedicated to joy and finding happiness. I handed the subscription application to my mom and asked if she could help me pay for it. I am definitely looking forward to reading these articles. I’m definitely going to be quoting from these a lot in my blog.

What Love Is

Words like butterflies from your breath
As you speak to tell me ill be alright.
I may be far from perfect, but that is put aside
And I know I can make it through another night.

The light from your eyes reflects the stars
And lets me know that I’m just fine.
I know that though I have my faults
I can still hold and call you mine.

When I look at you it’s crystal clear
That you are meant to grow
Above all of the others here
That believe they know.

Your eyes of blue and green
Look off to a world that is, to me, unseen.
You are meant for greater things
Than where for now you seem to be.

I hope I can walk beside you
Through your life’s destiny
But if later on you must move on
Please just don’t forget me.

I hope I don’t have to just remember
You breath, your eyes, you lips, you light
And I hope that I can always hear
Your words of security through the night.

Anna Bell

I may be only 15 years old, I also may be wrong, but I think I have been in love and I know what love is. I have experienced that tingling feeling and the butterflies in your stomach and I have been completely ‘obsessed’ with my ‘boyfriend’ and I may have said I was ‘in love’, but I realize I wasn’t.

Last year, in August, I started my first day in 9th grade. My parents were sending me to a charter school that I had never heard of before. I saw it as almost a punishment for my horrible behavior in my public school. The year prior to that, I had straight F’s on my report card, countless “sluff’s” and skipped detentions, horrible friends and influences, and teachers I absolutely terrorized. I didn’t care about school, what happened to me, what my parents wanted or thought, or anything. Now, in August 2009, I had to deal with social outcasts from private schools and uniforms for my first high school year. As I made my way through the first month of school, I suffered severe depression, loneliness, and family problems. I honestly didn’t know if I even wanted to live. I had just gotten out of my dad’s home and was living with my mom who had just gotten a new job as the head counselor at a middle school. I felt nobody understood me. Everyone at my school seemed to have the picture perfect life with no problems, and rich parents. All the other kids were simply unreachable and/or under the influence of some kind of drug. I made a few new friends and found I had many in my new neighborhood. There was one, in particular, who stood out to me. His name was Max. I had had a few good talks about deep discussions and we really seemed to click. September 8th, my best friend since 3rd grade’s birthday, we were ‘official’. We dated for four months and were attached by the hip. We got to know each other very well and it turned out we had very similar lives. We both had a hard time with family and both suffered from depression. It seemed everything was perfect. That was until late November, when I noticed he wasn’t acting himself anymore. He wasn’t treating me the same anymore and something wasn’t right. On December 10th, I felt the ground below my feet pulled from under me once again. I found out he was addicted to narcotics. We broke up and for the next four months we rarely talked as he tried to pull himself out. He quit cold turkey and for a little while I watched him run out of the class to vomit or noticed his absence from school. He wasn’t himself at all. Time went by and we still didn’t speak much. Spring break came and we started to hang out a little more, and on April 8th, 2010, I admitted to him that I missed him. We kept it a secret that we were together for about a month. Through that time we have gotten even closer than before. We have a list of things to do this summer, and through time, and we talk about everything.

Yesterday, after going to lunch with my dad, I went to see my counselor and I admitted I was suicidal. I had taken a test that with each answer gave me points, and when I gave the total to my counselor, he told me that most people like me would be in the hospital. My number was 114, and he informed me that the number where they begin to worry was 63. After leaving my session, I had a talk with my dad that seemed to stress me out even more. Max was waiting inside my house for me to get home, and when I walked inside I could feel the tears trying to escape my eyes. I dropped all of my things on the floor in my room, trying to appear ok, when I finally broke down. He held me close and let me cry and talked to me about what was going on. He told me I needed to start taking antidepressants and that he would walk with me through everything. He talked to my mom for me about what he felt I needed to do and eventually had to leave for home. I might be 15, but I think that this is real. It may not last forever, and he might not be ‘the one’ when I’m thirty, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t love

I think love is when you know that no matter where you are, what you do, or how you feel, they will always be there. Love is when you can be a total mess and feel comfortable. Love is when you can wear no makeup and not feel embarrassed. Love is when you can lie there in their arms for hours and never get bored. Love is when you want to enjoy all the greatest things in life and everything you think with that person. Love is when you know you can be completely stupid and you will still hear them tell you they love you at the end of the day. Love is when you miss them while you dream, and you can’t wait for the moment when you wake up and you can see them again.

What do you think Love is? and what have YOU experienced with Love?

Who I Am

My full name is Anna Michelle Bell and I am a 15 year old teenager from the state of Utah in the United States of America. To answer the first question that probably popped into your head, no I do not have a religion, ergo, I am not L.D.S. I do have my own spirituality and beliefs and I respect all ways of life and beliefs.

I am one of those voices with a strong spirit that has a hard time keeping quiet. I think deeply about everything I hear and try to figure things out. I have strong beliefs and I don't know if it's even possible for me to contain them. I created this blog so that my voice can be heard and I may be able to speak for many others out there that feel the same way as I do.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, that we are capable of changing our way of life and getting back on track to the way god, or the universe, or nature, and whatever you believe, intended. I believe that there is a way to live that is flawless. I don't fear consciousness and I want to one day understand the true reality of the world and universe where I live right now. I believe that there are many ways to reach god and truth is flawless. I believe that truth is not a small pigeon hole in the universe but a broad truth that can be complicated and hard to understand. I believe that one person can change the world and that we as people should not fear taking a stand for what we believe is right. I believe in Peace. I hope that through my writing and posts on this blog that my voice may be heard and I can make a difference.

I am a writer and musician. I write poems and lyrics every day. I also play the piano well and love to write music to go along with my lyrics. I am working on book and dream to be an author and/or columnist when I am older. I also dream that one day my music will be heard and enjoyed by people around the country or the world.